This letter to my vagina was never intended to be an "open" letter. And I'm not going to lie to you, there were some things I did not openly share with everyone, because some of it...was just for me to heal. Writing this letter was just something I did one day as I was playing with my oracle cards, feeling into the "why" of my current energy block and perceived lack of creativity. I was feeling down. Sad. Confused. Angry...I had to know why.
And then it hit me. I was feeling like a fraud because I was telling my clients to practice self-love and self-care, but I was harboring a deep secret and needed to come clean in my own life! I had an a-ha moment around this as I thought about how, not only was my creativity blocked, but this physical manifestation was presenting itself in the fact that my periods had become irregular, and I was angry about the uncertainty of having to deal with a surprise visit from "Aunt Flo."
Don't get me wrong..I do believe I practiced self-love, to an extent -- the way I felt about my vagina, however, was another story. I carried so much shame, so much resentment, so much pain and trauma and I didn't even realize how much so until I wrote this letter.
This letter helped me to uncover and release so much shame that was tied up in my womb-- shame that I did not even know I was holding! Not only from the sexual traumas, but the social conditioning of coochie care (don't even get me started on this, for it is another blog post entirely!)
It took me all day long to write the letter, but I knew, intuitively, I could not stop until it was done. I'd flat out reached a point where I was just.....tired.
I was tired of feeling bogged down and less of a human being for things I had no control over (and some things that I did have control over, but no consciousness around...) It was very scary to recall the memories of sexual trauma -- of being sexually abused as a young girl, and raped as a pre-teen...healing the trauma of having an abortion, a sexually transmitted disease, and later, a miscarriage. I processed so much throughout this experience and I literally felt the energy shift in my yoni the moment I signed my name.
Ladies, I can't emphasize enough how important it is to start thinking with your yoni. Bring some consciousness around the womb, the vagina, the yoni...THIS IS EVERYTHING! This is the center of your creativity, your authenticity, your essence....the alternative has simply...not worked for us.
I'll also admit that the thought of sharing this letter with the public was not easy because I worried that others would judge me. But then, when I told my friend about this experience, she started to cry and demanded that I share this story for, if nothing else, to let women know they are not alone in their struggle to release needless shame they may not know they are burdened with.
Now, I encourage every woman to write their own letter to their vagina. It doesn't have to be an open letter, and I'm not gonna' lie, it is not an easy thing to do, especially if you have been sexually traumatized in any way (which is 99% of women today).
But I can promise you that taking the time to reconnect, remember and recommit to your vagina...well, it could very well change your life, too.