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Dear V, I haven't heard from you in awhile, and it feels like we are complete strangers, so please, please, forgive me for the awkward tone right off the bat. I am not even really sure how to start...I mean, what should I even call you? Dear vajayjay? Too juvenile. Dear vagina? Too clinical. Dear pussy? Dear cunt? Ugh...too nasty... Look. Just because we haven't been connecting doesn't mean I don't think about you. The truth is I do think about you. A lot. We've been together for a very, very long time, and like any long term relationship, we've had our share of ups and downs. I can't help to laugh about all the good times we've had together. I mean, in the beginning, we were so tight, always having fun and enjoying each other's company. We kept each other so happy. You were always so graceful, encouraging me to accept life and be present to what Is. Do you remember when I got my first period? I never told you this then (and I think you probably figured it out by now) but I was scared. You, however, were so ready to take us into our next phase of life. I wish I knew then what I know now, and I wish I did not feel so embarrassed by you, but I was a child then who just did not know what lie ahead for us. Who did not have the resources or the education -- or the loving support of self-assured women in her life. I apologize for not seeing it this way then, and for cursing you for making me into a woman before I thought I was ready. But you lead the way with determination, always showing up consistently on time to do your thing. I learned so much about you during this time that I did not even know was possible...new sensations, new emotions, new feelings that ranged from sheer agonizing pain to pure bliss. And for awhile there, we were wild and free, exploring Life with a reckless abandon. Remember those days? We were ca -raaazy! Sneaking out at night because you were itching to spend some time with the boys... We suddenly became quite popular, you and I. Or should I say, you became quite popular? The boys lined up (and some men, too) but the way they would look at me scared me. Almost like I was invisible or in the way. They really only wanted you. At first I didn't mind them spending so much time with you because it made me feel loved, too. But after awhile, it all started to make me feel so sick. Like I was just the third wheel...the awkward "friend" everyone pretended to like until they got what they really wanted. Actually, I have to thank you for getting us out of that one. If it weren't for you becoming ill, we would have continued to let any old dick entertain us. Trying to fit in, opening up over and over, only to be hurt again and again...It took awhile (and, shamefully, a few trips to the clinic) but we eventually pulled each other out of that pitiful cycle. And eventually we both recovered. If you recall, it was during that time that we began to experiment with different hairstyles. I'd say that it was fun, but honestly have to apologize for the Brazillian. You weren't the only one that suffered through that one. I couldn't walk for a week! The beauty routines, the washes, the lubes... Yes, we really have tried it all together, haven't we? LOL. Oh god.....and then there was....him. He who was a wolf in sheep's clothing, who knew how to charm his way into your tender loving softness. After we got married, he began to treat me like shit. But you...? He loved you, and you seemed to adore all the attention. Even after he and I separated, you kept going back for more. I became so resentful of you for that. I admit, that one was hard to get over. I felt like you had betrayed me, and at a certain point, I just had to cut you off from him. That took a long time for me to get over. But oh my god! Again, how could I forget? You were so amazing at the birth of my children, having done almost all of the work to bring them into this world! Gah! I am still so amazed at your strength and resilience! There were days post-partum that I just did not think things would ever return to normal. I don't know how you did it, but to this day, I am totally impressed at how you snapped back each time! Girlfriend, you got it going on! Lately though, I mostly worry that I fall short of your expectations. Let's be honest, it takes a lot to make you happy and I've just been so busy with, well, LIFE to make any time for you. I guess I thought that, because you are always there, you would understand. I'm starting to see how having taken you for granted is just wrong. I get it. A girl can only be ignored for so long before she goes completely numb. So, I wanted to get in touch with you again. To, hopefully, reconnect and love up on each other like we used to do. Like the good old days. Now, I know we can never go back, and seriously, who would really want to? I want nothing more than to take the best of what we had together and build on it! I am asking you to join me in moving forward, walking together, hand in hand into the future. Because the truth is, I am nothing without you! I love you! I love us enough to do whatever it takes to return to our happy place and I promise you I will be a better friend, more attentive and kind. I promise to check in with you daily, to listen to you and give you what you need to thrive again. I promise you that together we can make this work. Yours truly and forever, Dawn The Yoni Diaries offers self-care tips to the awakening woman and is a side project of The Goddess Diaries. Receive blog posts, self-care tips and special offers when you sign up for The Yoni Diaries eZine here: http://bit.ly/1TGRRcQ
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